So... what now?

I've written blogs before, and I'll probably write them again. Blog posts about mobile phones, technology, skincare, make-up, hair products, clothing, PMU, films, television, music... Hell, I once wrote a blog about boilers 😬

All that to say, I've had far more success writing about just about anything except for, of course, my own life.

Sure, I once wrote a post where I had a tiny complaint about work, and months later my manager found it (somehow) and put me on probation in my job for it, which led to me eventually quitting - incidentally, I hadn't even mentioned them in it, but then people do love to think they're the centre of the universe.

But back to the present. Right now, things are a bit odd. On the one hand, I'm married to the love of my life, and we have a six-month-old daughter who's just a complete joy. I also got made redundant from my job around ten weeks into my maternity leave, after which my husband was also made redundant. And did I mention we bought a house last year that we're eight months into renovating? So it's not like cutting back costs with a baby in the house is exactly straightforward.

So yeah, there's a lot going on - and while we try to keep our heads above water, keep getting renovation work done with any materials we already have, and scrounge together money from freelance work to make sure the bills are paid, I figured I'd do something that made me feel like more than just a mother and a housewife - the latter of which I never ever wanted to be!

*comes back to writing this blog post three days later*

No, I never wanted to be a housewife. A lady of leisure, maybe - who wants to work if there are ways to avoid it? I don't buy into that crap about "love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life" because quite frankly, it's bull. But I do enjoy seeing progress on the house, doing everything I can to keep it clean, tidy and looking cool af. And I love looking after Thea. She's hilarious and cute as hell - even if I admittedly get bored of playing after a few hours and dream of a break.

But what I found most unexpected after having a baby was the loss of myself. I think(even though it was four years ago now) lockdown started that spiral of feeling like I'd lost my identity, and pregnancy finished it off. It didn't help that maternity clothing was just... horrendous, frilly, girly shit that I wouldn't be seen dead in - and my sense of self is quite closely tied to my appearance, for better or for worse.

Which is what leads me here, sort of. I don't have a big circle of friends (Luke, my husband is my bestie) so I tend to find myself turning to the internet for inspiration, for back and forth about things that generally don't interest Luke (clothes, make-up etc.) Unfortunately, being a lurker in the comments of my favourite MUAs and influencers means I'm not getting any actual conversation, or sharing my take on these things - and sometimes it's nice to do that. Maybe here, I can share a little and learn a little.

I can't promise to be regular at posting - here or on any other socials. I can't promise I'll be thrilling. But I have something that I want to put into the world, so I'm going to start doing it. More than a wife, more than a mama, more than an unemployed writer bum.

Anything to feel like myself again 💚